Well folks, I’ve done it again. This is a long one, so pull up a chair. Pour yourself an adult beverage if you like. Me, I’d rather have some green beans with a good story. Suit yourself.
OK. Here I am doing a big stretch on the back patio a while ago. Notice the snaggletooth circled in red. You may not be able to notice it all that much, but a few years ago I lost a bottom tooth due to some, let’s just say, fence aggression.
Seems I was having a bit too much fun biting the chain link fence between me and one of my neighbors. Ta dum. I was mad. What can I say? So, the tooth had be pulled. It was hanging on by a thread anyway. Darn that fence.
Well, I’ve done it again. Hurt myself. Not my teeth, though. My toe. And there’s no picture to show you. And that’s a good thing. It was ugly.
See, I was coming up the brick steps out front. These steps:
See that stuff between the bricks? It’s called pointing. And some of it was missing at the bottom of the steps and one of my toenails got caught in the hole and, well, the top of my toenail just ripped off as I was climbing the stairs!
OUCH. YES. IT. HURT. A. LOT.
So, the peeps did what good peeps do. They checked my foot. They checked the pads of my foot. Between the pads of my foot. The bones leading to the toenails. Nothing. And I just climbed the stairs as pretty as you please. So, They decided it was OK to take me to the Urbanna Oyster Festival that day anyway. And They dragged me around the whole afternoon. Sometimes, She picked me up and carried me when I favored my foot. So, They checked my foot again.
Not until the NEXT DAY did They discover, thanks to my Godmother Carol, THE NAIL HAD RIPPED OFF!
Don’t you know the peep was hysterical. “How could we treat our baby that way when he was in pain? How? How? OH! My poor baby! Made him walk all day!!!!” Sobs. Sobs and more sobs.
Yeah, I milked that for a LOT of attention. But, it really did hurt.
So, the moral of the story is this: if your foot ever gets hurt and your toenail splits, be sure to CLIP THE HAIR AWAY FROM THE NAIL. Yes. That, helps the peeps see what’s going on. (Duh. They’re not too bright.) Then, soak the toe in warm water and epsom salts, then, once it’s dry, paint the nail with super glue, otherwise known as cyanoacrylate. It’ll seal the wound and help it heal. They even use this stuff in surgery! Seems everybody knows about super glue!!!!
Who knew?????? My Godmother Carol, that’s who knew. Now you know, too.