This just in….a special prosecutor has concluded an extensive investigation involving Winston
(last name) REDACTED of (address) REDACTED. The furry felon is accused of nearly loving his peeps amidst repeated behavior to the contrary.
When asked recently, he sat stoically never uttering a word.
Evidence includes his climbing the stairs of his
two-story home in (address) REDACTED during the wee hours of April 22 and sitting patiently until his peeps’ awoke and kissed him repeatedly upon discovering the nearly two-year-old Scottie at the end of the bed. Evidence shows he responded with licks and kisses of his own.
Evidence also includes his walking perfectly to a nearby outdoor cafe,
Union Market, for dinner on April 21. No stopping at every blade of grass or tree trunk to check pee mail. Or snapping at every other dog along the way. Actions he vehemently denies through his silence when asked about the details. Dinner went smoothly with the pooch unexpectedly behaving like a true gentleman. As if he enjoyed it. REDACTED.
Could it be, according to the special prosecutor, that Winston actually likes his home? Loves his peeps? Likes his new neighborhood? And his new friends? Contrary to his behavior and his stubborn attitude?
The special prosecutor came to only one conclusion: the four-legged bundle of lofty attitude clearly enjoys his peeps. Against his will.
What say you Winston? How do you plead? Is it love?
To be continued.